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The first of two new episodes of Gene Simmons Family Jewels started tonight with Shannon returing from a visit to the emergency room.  She had slipped on a wet floor and put out her arm to stop thefall and ended up doing something to it in the process.  I didn’t catch what exactly happened to it, but it was bad enough for the ER docsto prescribe painkillers for her.  She was complaining that the hospital wouldn’t let Gene in to see her because they don’t have the same last name so it was a good thing the kids were there to let him in.  Gene helped Shannon get settled into bed and Shannon told him to finish packing so he could make the redeye flight to New York.  At first he protested but eventually ended up leaving for the airport.

The scene at the airport was interesting.  He comes up to the desk and announces who he is and that he is scheduled to be on the next flight to New York.  The girl is like that’s great, now lets seesome ID.  He says don’t you know who I am.  She says he looks familiar but that she can’t process him without ID.  He pulls out a Kiss tee shirt from a suitcase and tries to use this for ID.  Again, that’s great but it won’t work.  Finally Gene recalls he has his wallet in his shoe and pulls out his picture ID, just in time to board the plane.  Now let’s think about this.  I can’t stand walking or even being when there is something as small as a rock in my shoe.  Are you telling me that this highly intelligent man “forgot” that he had his wallet in his shoes/boots?  I highly doubt that.  His “forgetting” and having to pull out his Kiss tee shirt in a blatant example of self promotion makes for better television.  The girl at the desk does ask if she can keep the tee shirt and he says yes.  Big surprise.

Shanon is home, wandering around the house in a painkiller induced state – well, some might say stoned.  She appears to be really out of it and sits down to watch television.  Nick sees her turn on the televsion and there’s an infomercial for knives.  She calls the number to ask ifit really does cut a can.  Then we cuto commercial.

Gene is in New York City where he meets with Tony, who tells him that a business deal has fallen through.  Gene says he wants to meet with his investment people tosee if he can turn this negative into a positive (meaning the poor state of the economy).  While in this meeting Gene decides he wants to talk to the president of the New York Stock Exchange because he wants to get up and inspire the people.  He asks someone to get this man on the phone.  The CPA types are apalled.  You just don’t call the president of the New York Stock Exchange for pity’s sake.  Gene says why not, only one of two things can happen.  He’ll either take the call or hang up on him. 

Cut to California and the Tweed-Simmons household.  A bunch of boxes with an invoice from “As Seen on TV” arrive.  The imication is that Shannon went crazy ordering things from infomercials the night before.  OK, reality check here.  When, in your life, did you ever order anything from an infomercial and have it arrive at your house in less than 4 to 6 weeks?  Even with “priority shipping” you’re still looking at more than one day.  But then again this makes for better drama, even if it isn’t “reality television.” 

Gene got the chance to “inspire” at the NYSE by rining the opening bell.  He then had some television “interviews” where he told everyone to “Buy American.”  Again I question whether or not these interviews took place.  I don’t doubt he rang the bell but usually one gives credit to the news media outlet who did the interview when replaying an interview that aired on another station. 

Back to California, where Shannon is on a shopping spree yet again.  She calls up to order something online and her credit card is declined.  So she finds one of Gene’s credit cards to use, but surprise, surprise the company won’t charge this card and ship to her.  She’s annoyed so she decides to change her name online.  REALITY CHECK PEOPLE.  You can’t change your name online.  You must fill out specific documents and have them filed in your county courthouse in order to make the name change legal and binding.  You can’t do this in the middle of the night and have it become legal.  Well, in this fantasy world Shannon decides to change her name to Shannon Tweed-Simmons. 

Gene comes home and finds boxes all over the place.  There’s one addressed to Gene that contains wine glasses and a note congratulating him on his marriage.  Doc calls and says he can’t believe Gene got married.  So Gene goes out to confront Shannon, who tells him that she changed her name legally to Shannon Tweed-Simmons.

So let me get this straight….Shannon goes online to change her name, and very quickly someone finds out and has the time in a few short hours to get them a gift and ship it to them?  On what planet does this happen?  I sent friends a gift from Target.com from their registry that took days to ship to them.

Gene goes out and tells all the women he meets that he isn’t married. No one is impressed.  Gene is upset that people will think him to be a hypocrite.  Shannon doesn’t think anyone will care. 

What do you think I think?

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm and is filed under Gene Simmons Family Jewels.